Sorting through memories of a loved one
There is a point in life when you might lose a loved one. Keeping and storing memories is part of the grieving process and a way to remember your loved ones.
In this case, my Client had lost a family member years ago, however the circumstances were very delicate. The Client lost their parent during a time that was supposed to be of celebration, and they also had to move house shortly after.
This meant that all the belonging, including gifts given to my Client by their parent, was stored in boxes and never looked at again.
All these boxes ended up in ‘the spare room’ at their new place. A room which gradually became a very emotionally charged and sad place, where all the sorrowful things were stored and left unaddressed.
Sometimes, you want to make sure your memories are stored properly and safely. But sometimes, you are also vividly aware of how hard, how difficult, it can be to sort through those memories.
Being scared, worried, and saddened by such emotional labour is normal.
Whether you are an only child or have siblings, I believe no one should do that alone.
What the client said:
“Fran was extremely helpful and compassionate when helping me to sort through my room full of sentimental and emotional possessions. For years I had found it hard to even go in the room and think about opening up one of the boxes, and in the back of my mind I thought that I would never get around to it. Fran was incredibly empathetic throughout the process and helped me to get through the entire room in a day - which I didn't think was possible - whilst still making sure that I was comfortable and didn't feel rushed to go through things or to make decisions about what to keep or what to get rid of. I truly don't know when I would have been able to face doing it alone, and so having Fran to help was beyond valuable. The boxes were haphazardly packed with whatever I could get in there without any record of what was there. Fran opened up all the boxes with me and helped me to categorise my items, so that we could then put them into dedicated boxes with labels and I now know where everything is and it feels much more accessible. I would wholeheartedly recommend anyone who needs some help to go with Fran - I genuinely don't think I could have done it alone!”
J., mid 20s, Watford
One day to do all
After we had a quick call with the Client, we set out to do the following:
- The project: 25 boxes located in the spare room.
- Flat’s location and accessibility: outside London, 1st floor.
- Goals and requirements: consolidate content of the boxes and clearly label them.
For a number of reasons, including emotional labour and distance, we decided this project needed to be done in one day, even if that meant a very long day.
We began early, planned regular breaks, and tackled the entire room.
Medium spare bedroom, full with boxes, mail, and some rubbish.
Final results: 10 hours of work later...
We did a lot that day. Sure, we made space in the room. But we also did so much more.
Dealing with sentimental items was hard at times, but also brought many joyful moments when we found things that we wanted to reclaim for the daily life. We changed the mood of that room, we lifted some of the sadness and made it an organised storage of loved ones belonging.
What did we do in practical terms?:
- Reduce and consolidate: we consolidated the boxes from 25 down to 18, making the best use of each box and moving similar items together for easier access.
- Track content and keep a detailed list: we labelled the boxes from 1 to 18 and we listed content on a book, numbering pages and using a page for each box’s content.
- Dispose of rubbish and recycle any paper: we sorted through all the mail and separated important documents from junk mail, we shredded anything confidential and unnecessary and recycled the rest.
What did we do in emotional terms?:
- Lift the sadness: we transformed the room into a place that no longer needed to be avoided at all cost; by dealing with the content of those boxes, we lifted some of that sadness and turned it into pleasant memories.
- Recover sentimental items: we picked some things from the boxes, such as pictures, mugs, and more, to make them part of the house, to use them every day, to remember your loved ones by.
- Appreciate and respect: by doing this, we now know which boxes can be stored long term and which one should be kept close by, so that the room can be reclaimed by the Client while keeping some memories near.
Here is the results!
Fewer boxes!
What didn't make the edit...
So much rubbish and recycling
Large bags of plastic and cardboard to be recycled
Black bin bags of rubbish to be disposed of.
Medium bag of expired medicines for the local pharmacy
This year, think of, and cherish your loved ones in every small thing you have. Maybe look at the boxes in your loft, or your spare room, or the boxes in the garage.
Remember, sometimes you just need a helping hand; no one has to do everything on their own.
Wow Francesca, that is a fantastic before and after. What wonderful work and sensitively done. Great Job!